Preparing to be supportive to my Dad

Parkinson’s Life Support Issues

The link to the expert post above offers some insight in what may be the needed process:

Don’t talk about the person in the room.

Talk to them, soft, naturally, gently, supportively

Hearing is the last thing to go

You don’t have to hold back tears

The greater part of this process is that this is the time when the spirit is resolving to pass on, unresolved matters with family members may be holding him back or he is just waiting for his body to pass on.

Hold his hand.

Don’t try to restrain him in efforts to get more oxygen etc

Don’t try to aspirate or anything when saliva comes out, just wipe or turn head gently to let gravity take care of it

Embrace his freedom to choose his path.

added from my own personal experience.

I think you have to see him as living, that he never dies. That helps you and it helps him.

While there is a struggle for responsible accountability to those who by law and oath owed far better care; that struggle has to be let go otherwise its just a non-resolution standing in his way.

Later after reading the expert piece, I sighed with relief.
My Dad had been entrusting over 60 years of his genealogical research to me in the last few years; winding it up and making sure everything was understood. It was a lot of work, taking up most of my precious visits. It was alot of joy too. Each time I completed a task, a huge weight was lifted off my Dad. It was as if he was buried by huge rocks and I was doing my best to lift the heaviest one and the one next to it and I was just not fast enough. My grandfather had given my Dad the duty of executing his writings for the estate after passing. I knew I had the advantage that Dad was hanging on to make sure the that that job was done right as well as the duty of passing on his genealogical work. I always dedicated myself to the task. I thought if I finish this for him; he’ll get better. It did seem we would never finish, inwardly, selfishly, I was fine with that.

Last May he told me that the work was now done, that he was happy with it. He had a determined look in his face. We would then sit together doing nothing the remainder of the visit. I’d always have something rolled up my sleeve though. One time I got a few letters off his desk from his sister. And gave them to him, he asked for his glasses. He said I could read the letters. His sister was writing fondly of their mom and their times together. When he finished he looked down his glasses and said thank you. He was so there. His wit was so there, so intelligent. I have experienced real intellectual treasure from my Dad. I have been incredibly lucky.

All I know is that when I see my Dad in the next few hours I am going to ask Dad, wherever you are and wherever you are going will you please put a good word in for me, because I want a job there too. I hope I will see him grin. That will be so amazing, so profound.

Genery in New York City

Pimples and Freckles removed

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Preparing to be supportive to my Dad

Parkinson’s Life Support Issues

The link to the expert post above offers some insight in what may be the needed process:

Don’t talk about the person in the room.

Talk to them, soft, naturally, gently, supportively

Hearing is the last thing to go

You don’t have to hold back tears

The greater part of this process is that this is the time when the spirit is resolving to pass on, unresolved matters with family members may be holding him back or he is just waiting for his body to pass on.

Hold his hand.

Don’t try to restrain him in efforts to get more oxygen etc

Don’t try to aspirate or anything when saliva comes out, just wipe or turn head gently to let gravity take care of it

Embrace his freedom to choose his path.

added from my own personal experience.

I think you have to see him as living, that he never dies. That helps you and it helps him.

While there is a struggle for responsible accountability to those who by law and oath owed far better care; that struggle has to be let go otherwise its just a non-resolution standing in his way.

Later after reading the expert piece, I sighed with relief.
My Dad had been entrusting over 60 years of his genealogical research to me in the last few years; winding it up and making sure everything was understood. It was a lot of work, taking up most of my precious visits. It was alot of joy too. Each time I completed a task, a huge weight was lifted off my Dad. It was as if he was buried by huge rocks and I was doing my best to lift the heaviest one and the one next to it and I was just not fast enough. My grandfather had given my Dad the duty of executing his writings for the estate after passing. I knew I had the advantage that Dad was hanging on to make sure the that that job was done right as well as the duty of passing on his genealogical work. I always dedicated myself to the task. I thought if I finish this for him; he’ll get better. It did seem we would never finish, inwardly, selfishly, I was fine with that.

Last May he told me that the work was now done, that he was happy with it. He had a determined look in his face. We would then sit together doing nothing the remainder of the visit. I’d always have something rolled up my sleeve though. One time I got a few letters off his desk from his sister. And gave them to him, he asked for his glasses. He said I could read the letters. His sister was writing fondly of their mom and their times together. When he finished he looked down his glasses and said thank you. He was so there. His wit was so there, so intelligent. I have experienced real intellectual treasure from my Dad. I have been incredibly lucky.

All I know is that when I see my Dad in the next few hours I am going to ask Dad, wherever you are and wherever you are going will you please put a good word in for me, because I want a job there too. I hope I will see him grin. That will be so amazing, so profound.

Genery in New York City

Pimples and Freckles removed

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